Pick-up lines that would probably work on me.

I recently read this article and decided that just in case any potential suitors are reading, I’d outline some things you might want to say to me to work your way into my heart. I mean, all this just doesn’t come easy. Now, pay attention:

• “You really know how to make sequined Toms work for any occasion.”
• “I know how to fold a fitted sheet; want me to teach you?”
• “I think it’s really cute when girls trim their bangs over the sink and don’t immediately rinse it out.”
• “I’d really love to watch you play video games sometime.”
• “I’m really good at spelling.”
• “No, really, I LOVE broccoli and brown rice.”
• “500 Days of Summer is my favorite movie.”
• “Want me to help you ball up all of your stray yarn sometime?”

This, of course, is just a starter list. I can’t be giving up all of my secrets, you know.

What pick-up lines would work on you?

xo – Heather.

It’s starting.

This kid.

I used to be the parent that he’d listen to. When he and his dad had problems, he’d come to me and we’d talk through it. He was respectful. Did what he was told. He was a good kid.

He still is a good kid, don’t get me wrong. But the thing is… well, he’s fourteen. And a half. He’s at that age where he’s really starting to get a sense of teenagerdom and everything that it entails, and boy, is he pushing limits.

Today was his last day of school. Students were released at 12:50, and I thought that – even though he’s going to be attending summer school – I’d take him out for a little end of year lunch. Nothing crazy, but just a cheap date to reflect on the year and talk about next year and what we were going to work on changing. So I got dressed and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After an hour, I drove around the front and back of his school to see if he was hanging out with any of his friends. No Jake.

So I went back home and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I got back in my car and cruised the neighborhood again. No Jake.

No call.

No nothing.

At 5:30 – yes, you read that right, FIVE FUCKING THIRTY – he comes sauntering in the house like nothing is wrong, and looks at me like I’ve sprouted two heads when I proceed to wig the fuck out on him. “I was just in the band room at school, mom. It was [insert friend name here]‘s last day. We just wanted to hang out for a while.”

“Well, you’ll be in your room for the rest of the night. You will not come out without permission.”

“Can I get a drink of wa-”

“NO!”

I’m more calm now than I was then, and have been sitting here really trying to dissect why I’m so mad. I mean, obviously I’m mad at the lack of respect and concern shown on his end to oh, you know, let me know he wasn’t dead. But more than that, really, my feelings are just hurt. This kid who used to make me lego creatures and wrote me poems for Mother’s Day has now got this total air of ISN’T MOM A FUCKING NUTJOB – which, by the way, is exactly what makes me act like a fucking nutjob. He used to care what I thought, and how I was feeling, and it just seems like he doesn’t anymore.

It makes me think back to when I was his age. I remember thinking that I was a freshman, and all this magical responsibility and power and sweet, sweet FREEDOM came along with that title. I remember being absolutely indignant over curfews and my mother having to know everything all the time, and not being able to date or take the bus to the mall. I remember feeling like I was so sheltered and it was so, so unfair.

I know this is probably exactly what Jake is feeling. And I know, like I did, he’ll grow out of it. He’ll get older, and he’ll get more of the freedoms he thinks he deserves. And one day, he’ll have his own kid who does the same thing to him.

I know all of this, but it doesn’t make it easier to live through.

What does make it easier is knowing when all was said and done, my mom wound up being my best friend. I’m looking forward to that day with my kids.

xo – Heather.

Fill In The Blank Friday

1. The best surprise ever would be a visit from any of my friends or family back home. I miss them all.

2. Summer Fridays with my mother are my most favorite memory. Fridays were her paydays, and we’d go out and run errands, have lunch, window shop and sometimes just drive around. She was always up for an adventure.

3. The hardest, but most worthwhile thing I’ve ever done was figuring out my own belief system. I spent most of my life surrounded by religion of one sort or another, and it took me a long time to be able to not just take what I was being handed and really look at things and figure out what I believed.

4. The best part of my day is around 9pm. That’s the time I turn off the TV, turn on the music and cuddle in bed with a book. This time of year, my windows are open so there’s a cool breeze blowing through. It’s pretty much the greatest.

5. Something I like that most people don’t is peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches! My first roommate got me hooked on them when I was around 19. People always look at me like I’m crazy, but I swear, they’re good.

6. Something I am willing to fight for is my kids. You mess with my kids, and I go into mama bear mode big time.

7. Something you might not know about me is that I have a crazy fear of flour. Not really a fear, I guess, but a serious aversion. Like, I can’t stand the way it feels, especially when it’s just all dusted on your hands. I actually just shuddered while typing that. It makes me all panicky.

Play along?

xo – Heather.

Easier said than done.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is wait for someone to be ready to talk about something, to know that there’s nothing you can do until that time. Even harder is trying to not be bothered by it.

xo – Heather.

[photo]

Tuesday, you were damn near perfect.

I decided this weekend that I would start running again, since I have the time, and actually follow through with it until I can run 5k without totally dying. As it stands currently, I can run about a minute and a half before I start sucking wind big time. I plan to stick with it, though, and hope to have fewer red/orange spots on my route sooner than later. This is a shot of this morning’s run via the Nike+ GPS app. It was really hilly and super challenging as a fledgling runner, so I’ll probably try a different route tomorrow.

After my run, I hit the mall with Becca, who was on a jeans mission. I also managed to find some new running pants and a tank for SUPER cheap at F21, and even though I really shouldn’t have, I snatched them up. I’ll feel like a fancy runner now.

I had a phone interview yesterday afternoon that turned into a face-to-face interview this afternoon. It’s a small, family-owned business currently run out of their home, and I met with the two owners (husband and wife) and the wife’s assistant. They all made me feel really comfortable and at ease, and the interview went great. The wife called me about twenty minutes after I left to say that they were VERY interested and that they wanted to make sure I sent my references right away. Sounds like a good sign to me!

And then this happened. And my life will never be the same. It’s creamy avocado pasta, and you can find the recipe here. She doesn’t know it yet, but Angela is totally my new best friend. My kid even liked it, which is a rarity these days (he survives on breaded chicken cutlets and ramen, I swear). I will be eating this OFTEN.

The rest of my evening will be spent relaxing, enjoying the evening breeze coming through my bedroom windows and catching up on some television. There may be reading involved. And dark chocolate. Definitely dark chocolate.

I hope your Tuesday was even half as great as mine. It would still be pretty great.

xo – Heather.

Weekend.

This weekend was one of the best I’ve had in quite some time. It wasn’t filled with crazy parties or expensive outings. It was a weekend full of healthy food, lots of time outdoors with my minions, exercise, errands and a street fair. Weekends like this are a good reminder of what’s really important.

Fill In The Blank Friday

1. Something that is very near and dear to my heart is equal rights for everyone. It really bugs me that we still, in 2012, live in a world where people are denied rights because of who they are.

2. My job interview this afternoon is good cause to celebrate – hopefully. Fingers crossed!

3. The most fun I ever had was the TV on the Radio concert last year. I danced my ass off (which is very uncommon for me), and we were close enough to the stage that the band members looked life-sized. It was a great night.

4.  True friends are there to pick you up when you fall. The day I quit my job, I went out with my girlfriends and it was EXACTLY what I needed. I truly do have the best friends ever.

5. Something that makes me terribly happy is a clean, organized space. Now if I could only keep one that way…

6. A good way to spend a sunny day is eating gelato on a patio. I did that yesterday.

7.  My favorite celebratory food is absolutely anything from Extraordinary Desserts. Everything there is amazing.

Play along.

xo – Heather.

[all pics c/o weheartit]

What to wear on your last day of work (when you don’t know it’s your last day of work)

My Friday started out like any other, recently anyway – a mixture of dread and anxiety, hoping that everything would go smoothly and no Xanax would need be popped during my stint at the office. That being said, I didn’t even begin to think that I would walk out before said stint was even over.

I don’t wish to get into too much detail, as I can’t account for every single blog reader I have, but there were red flags with this firm from the start. A girl walked out on my very first day, and the staff has been a revolving cast of characters ever since – some let go, some having quit with full two week notice and some having quit (like I did) mid-shift and with no notice. Mind you, I was only there for about 8 months, so this much turnover should give you some indication of the state of the firm’s attitude toward its employees.

Over the course of my last week with the firm, there were two separate times that I had such terrible anxiety that I had to take Xanax while working. On Friday, mid-morning, I suddenly stopped what I was doing, looked around my office and thought, This just isn’t worth it. I quietly packed all of my personal belongings into the shopping bag I tote my lunch in, shut down my computer and headed to the HR office.

The office manager/HR person completely understood where I was coming from. She has seen everything I have seen and then some, and honestly, I don’t know how she does it. She was very sweet, wanting to make sure that I was absolutely sure of what I was doing, and hugged me before I left. I’ll miss working with her, in particular, but you know what? I haven’t had ONE anxiety attack since I left. Not a single one. The minute I walked out the door, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from me. I think that speaks volumes.

I came home and immediately updated my resume and began sending it out, and have been doing so ever since. I went on my first interview this morning, and I think there is a good chance I’ll have something lined up sooner rather than later. I’m looking forward to being able to get up for work in the morning without that sense of dread, the feeling of being afraid to make even the tiniest mistake. No one should have to feel that way every day.

I had a follow up with my doctor that afternoon, and he told me that I did the right thing. It was important for me to get that validation from him because at that point, I had sort of hit the OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE stage and was doing some minor freaking out.

Today, I feel good. I’m grateful for a bit of time off to relax, but I am definitely not resting on my laurels and am looking forward to getting back to work with the RIGHT company. Keep your fingers crossed for me, ‘kay?

xo – Heather.

Down the rabbit hole… again.

Tea. Pajamas. Dirty hair. Gossip Girl. Knotted stomach. A slight breeze. Chipped nail polish. A new book. A racing mind. Not wanting to go to sleep. Wanting to do nothing but sleep. Every bit conflicted about every little thing. More tea. Less thinking.

This is my Facebook status from last night. Currently, everything is pretty much the same, minus the dirty hair – I did manage a shower today.

I’m having another bout with The Crazy, the sinking feeling that makes me not want to sleep because that means another day is coming at me, another day that fills me with anxiety and makes the smallest tasks seem so, so daunting. The feeling that makes me want to do nothing BUT sleep because my holy hell, the sun is SO bright and doesn’t it know that I can’t even begin to handle it right now? The feeling of knowing that people in my life are suffering unimaginable pain and being so strong and so brave, while all I want is to take their suffering from them so that they don’t have to and knowing that’s not possible. The feeling that I know this isn’t normal, normal people don’t shut down this way and why, WHY do I have to?

Why can’t I just be normal?

xo – Heather.

Muchisimas gracias.

Really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for the sweet comments and emails in response to this post. I really do appreciate you all, whether I’ve met you in “real life” or not. Support is support, and the fact that I have it coming from so many different places means the world to me.

xo – Heather.